Sibling age gaps: how they affect families

Now my daughter is already 3+, is about time to have a 2nd child? All my friends always question me when am I having my 2nd child. To many of them said that age gap is important. Not to far apart is good. So I start to some research on what is true. I can't really find the exact answer. Here are some of the suitable articles found.

Is there a "right" gap?
There's no absolute "right" gap, although there might be circumstances in your family that mean it's sensible to wait less or more time before trying for another baby. In any of these circumstances, you might feel time isn't on your side and you need to get moving. On the other hand, if you're in your twenties and have toddler twins there might be a lot of sense in delaying a third baby.

But it's not true that there's some magical gap that makes life easier and better for all concerned. Every age gap has its pros and cons, and personality factors mean that what might work well in one family isn't as successful in another.

What would a small gap be like?
Generally speaking, the closer in age your children are, the harder work it is for you in the early months and years. If the gap is very small (some couples even manage to have two children within the space of a year) it can almost feel like having twins, with all the demands of two babies at one time. Life will probably be a hard slog for a while, and things like getting out of the house, travelling and getting a good night's sleep may be difficult.

On the plus side, a small gap means that the existing child will never really remember life without a sibling which some parents think will reduce rivalry.

There may be childcare considerations too. If you're working it may be easier to sort out childcare for two or three children of a similar age together rather than having years of planning different childcare arrangements.

In the long term, a small gap probably means it will be easier to entertain children during the school holidays as they're more likely to want to do the same sorts of things. Although looking even further ahead, you may have a lot of higher education costs within a short space of time.

What would a big gap be like?
A bigger gap of three or more years means you'll be plunged back into caring for a baby having come up for air after your last child. For some people this is a definite advantage. If you love looking after a small baby and want to cherish every moment of it, having a bigger gap means you may have more time to devote to the new arrival while the older child or children are at playgroup, nursery or school.

Couples with big gaps between their children often say they have "enjoyed them more" because they were able to concentrate on each child without feeling constantly under pressure. But other parents who relish a sense of freedom as the baby years are behind them might not be as pleased to be back to breastfeeding and night-time waking.

For some women, the sense of getting your body back into shape before diving again into pregnancy is important. It's sometimes easier to lose weight gained during pregnancy and to keep it off if you have a bigger gap.

What's the best advice?
But the best advice, if you have a choice, is to wait until you feel you can cope with whatever is already on your plate before you start planning to increase the burden. If you feel you're only just keeping your head above water, and you have time on your side, it makes sense to wait until you're more confidently on top of things before increasing the already-heavy demands of being a parent.

Written by Joanna Moorhead